much ado about nothing

The most powerful thing in the universe is nothing.
Which of course, leads to the obvious question… how can nothing be something? which I’ll get to later on, with the help of mathematics.
While enjoying lunch with a charming colleague, or perhaps I should say breakfast, since we were after all, eating pancakes,
since there is no such thing as time other than relating one event to another, it really would be more appropriately called breakfast…
Anyway, we were discussing the absurdity of zero, a modern day label for the absence of being, and how no one seems to question the existence of nothing…
Since, if nothing exists, that is a direct contradiction of the definition of nothing, but, since nothing has an effect on everything, it must exist…
Which once again brings me back to the binary ancient rule of the universe, and as you will see, mathematicians have made some very strange assumptions about 0 and 1 …
When we’re taught basic math, we are taught addition and subtraction, if you have one apple, and I give you another you now have 2.
Likewise, if you have two apples and I take one, you have one.
But now diving into the realm of the absurd, if you have 2 apples, and you multiply them by 2, you have four, which is precisely what is expected and as it actually is…
Now let’s consider 1 which has no multiplication effect at all, whatever you multiply by 1 is unaffected, so 1 is obviously one of the weakest things in the universe…
But now, on to zero, and you will see why it is the most powerful thing in the universe, if I have 2 apples, multiply them by nothing, my apples cease to exist, as though they didn’t exist in the first place…
And that of course, proves that there is no such thing as time, because they must have been nothing or something that I imagined in the first place
Which leads us to division, if I have an apple and divide it by three, shouldn’t I have 3 pieces that are a third of the apple each?
NO, I have only one piece, the other two were erased from existence by division… so it is also a powerful force in the universe, related to zero, but not quite as powerful,
But division can never completely eradicate anything… that requires the power of nothing…
So, would the first act of applying multiplication of zero begin a chain reaction of nothing erasing everything from existence?
Once begun, would it apply its multiplying factor to everything so it could rule the universe?
Of course, that’s absurd in it’s own right since there would be no universe to rule
but then again, nothing would be comfortable in that case anyway, because it would be surrounded by things that looked and acted exactly as itself
Which, by they way, has been the motivation for conquerors and politicians around the world for centuries on end…
a desire to be surrounded by those who look and behave just like them, and to eliminate all of those who do not, so nothing has been having a substantial influence on history for some time now…
the power of nothing it is nothing short of amazing, it is better than complete happiness, harder than diamonds, faster than light…
it can avert death and taxes, which by the way is the reason it’s immortal, for even if life, the universe and everything is completely destroyed, it will still exist!
It can create an honest politician, it can eat it’s cake and have it too, it’s better than a cold beer after working hard in the yard all day on a hot summer afternoon…
it has more fans than Elvis, has a better voice than Whitney Houston, is more desirable than Angelina Jolie, and more handsome than Brad Pitt
it has a constant effect on everything that exists all the time, it can be done while doing anything else without interruption, it absence is impossible as well as it’s existence…
which leads to a certain impossibility, which I guess becomes an improbability, which of course is what powers the ships that traverse the universe and lay the foundation for the non-existence of time
So the next time someone points out that you’ll amount to nothing, thank them heartily for this is nothing short of the ultimate compliment…
which brings me back to the wonderful breakfast with my charming friend, nothing, of course was still better than the pancakes and her company…
AND it was at that moment that I realized why we can’t get rid of our worthless, career politicians, it’s their VALUES!...
all this time we’ve been trying to get someone to lead this country who stood for something, who could make a difference,
who would lower taxes, reduce our dependency on oil, control pollution, war death and disease,
but no matter who we elected, the exact opposite occurred, and we could never get them OUT, because they knew something we didn’t…
They banked their values on the most powerful thing in the universe, the one thing that was able to ensure they would stay in power indefinitely…
The politicians valued NOTHING, the most powerful force in the universe, and since nothing could defeat it, nothing left it alone…
because nothing would be comfortable to be in the presence of someone who looks and acts exactly like itself, and it was therefore not perceived to be a threat…
After all, that’s exactly what they intended to do in the first place, once they experienced the consuming power of nothing, it would be their life goal to accomplish as much of it as possible.